today i felt the wind rush through me, as i watch the rain drops dance down my window pane. I stand silently as I let the rain form puddles beneath my feet that have no real intentions except to collect dirt and grime. Within the sky, there are clouds that have rolled from miles and miles away, like the ocean traveling halfway across the universe. Time is ticking, passing away within the moments that creep by, stealing away all forms of happiness and joy.

Beneath my heart, I have reserved a special place for him. I locked it up, and threw away the key in all hopes that it would remain forever.

I desperately tried to eliminate anything that would harm that special part of me, and I pushed endlessly to try to do a myriad of things that would keep that part of me here forever.

Perhaps I destroyed that own part of me, watched it fade away, and burn along with the clouds, the rain, and puddles beneath my feet.

and along with that sacred place in my heart, i too will burn along side with the lilghtening, and I watch my self create tornados of my good intentions

dear joshua kieran straub,

you take me to places ive never been.

do u want to stay in heaven with me forever?

20 years from today

make sure that you meet up with your husband and then show him the drawing that he did on September 29, 2010 at 1:24 pm. and then if i still have it, you owe me $15 and you buy groceries for a WEEK.

love,
amber

i love the radio

A stripper just called to request "I'm In Love w a Stripper".

she eyes me like a pisces when, i am weak

"Punk is musical freedom. It's saying, doing and playing what you want. In Webster's terms, 'nirvana' means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world, and that's pretty close to my definition of Punk Rock."



-Kurt Cobain

josh

hey, i think ur a babe, we should eat icecream together

dear rob dyrdek

i believe you and I would be the perfect business partners!

-amber

American History X

"~ So I guess this is where I tell you what I learned - my conclusion, right? Well, my conclusion is: Hate is baggage. Life's too short to be pissed off all the time. It's just not worth it. Derek says it's always good to end a paper with a quote. He says someone else has already said it best. So if you can't top it, steal from them and go out strong. So I picked a guy I thought you'd like. 'We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.~ "

pisces

http://www.sailor-games.com/FortuneT/pisces.html

thats where i founnnd this

=]

"I believe"a "Water"

signSymbol: The Fish

Birthstone: Aquamarine

Compatible signs: Taurus, Cancer, Scorpio, Capricorn

Dates: Feb. 19 - March 20

Your Sign's History...
In the constellation of Pisces, one fish faces east and swims upwards whilethe other swims west along the plane of the ecliptic. The eastern fish suggests an upward ascent or a heavenly/spiritualdisposition; the western fish, a mundane/earthly alignment. You prefer to head toward the spiritual direction of the eastern fish, whichalways seems most intent upon altering its course. The alternate reality you envision and create with fantasy, dreams, meditation and spiritual bliss is much more attractive to you than the trials, tribulations and sorrow you encounter on the material plane.

Your Personality...
Pisces are very creative and don't live by the norms. Ruled by Neptune, the fish is greedless and doesn't concern herself about tomorrow. Good natured, he or she rarely gets visibly angry. When they do, it never lasts long.Living in their own world, the fish sees life through rose colored glasses. They are not na•ve to the bad things in life-- they just have different standards for their lives.Known for their quick wit and large funny bone,the Pisces uses laughter, wittiness, and humor to cover her rapidly flowing emotional river.

You have the same sign as:

John Travolta, Drew Barrymore, George Washington, Elizabeth Taylor, John Bon Jovi

Niki Taylor, Jackie Gleason, Ted Kennedy, Harry Belefonti, Michelangelo Sailor,

my palm readdding!

basic hand type results:

A smooth silky texture: You have good taste, and you enjoy excessive indulgences. You like expensive clothes and an elegant lifestyle. But there are times when you seriously risk spending more than you earn.
Smooth fingers: You have good instincts, so you can probably predict how things will turn out before everyone else. You are self-confident. Your tendency to act first and think afterwards is one of your weaknesses.
Long nails: You have an artistic and sensitive approach to life. Your good-nature means that you could be hurt by selfish and greedy people. Make sure others do not take advantage of you. Just take things slow.
Thin nails: You have may delicate health and be susceptible to ailments, especially allergies. But you are a kind person and you will have many friends in life.

LIFE LINE~

Thin: You may feel physical weakness. But you can overcome your tendency towards illness through exercise and an outdoor life.
Lines jutting upward: These lines are called effort lines, and indicate a person who puts great effort in their work.
Wide curve: You're an energetic person, who's eager to get out. You'll lead an exciting life and travel a lot until you reach your middle years, at which point you'd do better to settle down.
Ends with short lines: You will maintain a healthy and exuberant lifestyle into your middle years. But at that time you will be vulnerable to serious illnesses. Follow your doctor's advice if you want to stay fit.

HEAD LINE-

Straight and narrow: You are realistic and sensible. You are comfortable in routine and you resist change. This makes you a very committed romantic partner, but you have to consciously add elements of surprise and mystery to your romance to keep it alive.
Criss-crossing wrinkles: The wrinkles are symbolic of problems. Sometimes you feel uncertain and cannot make up your mind. If you have trouble concentrating, retreat to a quieter place and practice meditation.

crossing between the two-

Touching: You have a sensitive side with deep emotional feelings. While you are secure and reliable, some people consider you too mild and passive.

Starts higher: You are narrow-minded in monetary affairs, or in other words, stingy.
Ends between 2 fingers: You'll never give up on your search for the perfect partner. You are a very sincere person, so it's important that you find a sincere and faithful partner.
Split end pointing up: You will have or are in a happy marriage.
Breaks: You'll be frequently tempted to break off one romance and start another. Be prepared for trouble if you marry a person with a broken Heart Line.

destiny line-

Thin and vague: You are unhappy with yourself and you probably lack intention in your life. You may switch jobs often, in a rootless fashion. You can help yourself by showing enthusiasm and working hard. If you persevere, you'll succeed.
Lower than usual: You are a reliable person and you can improve your life through self-effort and will.

wel, thers lunch

ugh yeah, i was making fries in the microwave...
and yeah...uh they almost caught the microwave on fire! and now my entire house smells of burntness and is filled tremoundously with smoke.

dont go to brevins and order a basket of 5 dollar fries, only to take them home and alsmot catch your house on fire.

gi jane!

Master Chief John Urgayle: Pain is your friend, your ally, it will tell you when you are seriously injured, it will keep you awake and angry, and remind you to finish the job and get the hell home. But you know the best thing about pain?

Lt. Jordan O'Neil: Don't know!

Master Chief John Urgayle: It lets you know you're not dead yet!

covered in stars

what is this thing that captivates others towards you?

i bet i could place twenty bucks down and ask each girl in every one of my classes whether she thinks your cute or not, and i would bet three girls in every room would think your cute.

id still have that twenty too. it basically makes me believe in wierd conspiracies and stupid darwin theories.

but what is it about you? i meen look at you, you're an asshole and you think you know the world by the back of your gorgeous hands. sorry, im honestly not trying to insult you or anything, i wouldn't say any of this if i didn't think you would say the same damn thing about yourself. how the hell did you find true love? really. you're so gorgeous and even though you're also hilarious and pretty much a genious, you're way too gorgeous to know the signs of a fake woman. at least, from the outside looking in thats how it appears. i meen in order to find "the one" you have to have that connection with someone, but also you have to know that whoever you like, likes you back. doesn't everyone like you?

i look forward to you making me laugh every single day।it is exhausting, and a waste of my time to let your beautiful eyes, and amazing jokes get to me.

यू ब्रिघ्तें माय एन्तिरे वर्ल्ड फॉर me

i'm without a doubt the boredest person alive as I write this.

Jenna is comming over later and we're going to fucking have a great time.

love,

amber

g

dear tuesday,

this family is going to fall apart after we move, and i know that is going to be the end of everything that i have learned and done the past three years of my life.

just down the drain over some stupid decision, made by who other than my own dad.

I said, "Dad, there are other people in this house, all who don't want to move. all who have carefully, and thoughtfully sorted through the postive and negative's of this decision.

Yet, the only opinion that matters is yours. you still have the chance to back out, yet you keep digging deeper.

You're making sure that we get this house, why?

When you know that this is what is going to destroy each and every one of us...?"

apparently our decision doesn't matter because he knows whats right for all of us, i guess.

love,

amber

p.s. -Even when we are forced to do some tough shit, there are things we can do to fix it.

dear dad,

i hope you know that you are shredding this family.

its just not going to ever be enough bad luck.

never.

why dont you care that you are destroying everyone?

Especially me.

the first real family ive ever been apart of,

and you fuck it all up.

you really piss me off.

love,

amber

Dear You,

Thank you for allowing me to become someone that I like much better.

my favorite thing about you is the faces that you make, and even the way you piss me off and then ten minutes later i realize i can never be mad at you.

So listen.

I tell you a lot, in fact, I let you know a lot more about who i am and what I do,

then anyone else.

But right now, I still kind of hate every day that passes since....

....well you know.

anyways, i'm far from stupid.

i guess it was just something that everyone does now.

do you understand what I'm trying to get through to you?

Do you get what I'm trying to ask?

If you don't then I guess here it goes:

People make mistakes.(?)

shit happens.

accidents (?) happen.

second thoughts circle my mind constantly.

So which one was it?

Ugh, but like I said, I could never be mad at you.

Not for long anyways.

Don't worry,

because I love you.

You are covered in stars to me.

Just remember...

where ever I was that night;

I'm a million miles away from that at this moment.

You really seem to confuse me.

Someday I hope this is worked out.

We, together, will figure out what that was about, and maybe, after all those years that passed me by thinking of that, maybe once I'll actually get a full nights sleep without wanting to go downstairs at four in the morning to smoke a cigarette.

And quite frankly, I am sick and tired of beginning my mornings at five just because I can't ever seem to get back to sleep all the way.

What I hate is all the god damn dreams I have about you.

You always find a way into my damn dreams, taunting me about how much you secretely can't stand me and think i'm a skankbag.

I hate dreams with you in it, at least the ones I can remember.

Even when I am in my dreams I wonder, while i'm dreaming, what the hell you are doing in my dreaming zone.

I can't think about you anymore.

For the past three months I have been doing more just trying not to think about you, then I do anything else.

Meaning, everyday you creep into my mind.

Everyday I have to avoid thinking about it.

Man, you piss me off

Love,

amber

2

HEY SUGAR TASTE

IM A REBEL. AGAINST CAUSES.

APOCALYPSE, DONT LET ME FADE

GOT MY SPINE, I GOT MY ORANGE CRUSH

DEVON <3

MY BEST FRIEND IS JAMIE SPURGEON. SIMPLE IS AS SIMPLE DOES

YEAH, MY FACE IS FUNNY HERE. BUT I LOVE THE LAKEEE

AND THIS IS WHY I LOVE JAMIE. FOR REAL, I LAUGH EACH TIME I SEE THIS

SUMMER DAYS ARE THE BEST

get lucky?

40 signs of good luck

Good Luck Gemstones

Do You Believe in Magic?

36. Amber

Amber is thought to be a bit of the sun with the power to bring good fortune.

The Greeks called this Amber "elektron", which gave us our word of electricity, and its power to give off sparks when rubbed may be why many people have considered it a lucky charm. Both the Chinese and the Muslims burn amber as incense as a protection against evil spirits.

in my skye

only a year ago, the memory lasts, though i ll never know

a fault that ill always regret.

though noone believed, i know ill never forget

haunted by the nightmares, taunted by this pain

i wonder if you wouldve been scared by the sound of thunder, or liked the smell of rain

youre not here now, in my heart youll remain

crying to him and holding his hand, i felt like i was dying

nothing could ever replace what was taken from me

you shine through dawn light, although it hurts to see

rose petals and d&cs...the only thing in this world thats ever killed a part of me

always will i smell you through the rain

days years and moths will go by, yet i still feel the pain

let you rest tonight, but ill see you in the stars

somewhere youre there, not in this world, but i know youre not too far

always youll be here somewhere with me, but its time to say goodbye

ill look for you someday...youll always be in my skye

lol bored?

craziest lady in this fraction, with a few lyrics i cause a mad reaction

with you on the edge of your seat watchin this maniac in action

less than any IQ of a braniac, this is an attack of fatal attraction

swarming in your head, diagnosed you like a bad contamination

this is an examination caused by this creation,

questioned by this infection its a damn interrogation

get all your guns cuz this is a swan invasion


i feel like a damn monster though i dont have green eyes and neck bolts

still rock this bitch, still shocking you like million watt volts

oh shit check ure heart rate and take ure pulse

breaking mirrors 2007

twisting yourself and kicking your self in the teeth
burried by pain, you remind your self why you stand hunched over your knees

open your eyes try to find the light you cant see
running now, from the faith you cant seem to belive

hypnoized by this life, this pain and this fear
standing on strings from a glass of water and this person infront of the mirror

eaten away from the acid that burns inside
scarped knuckles this emptyness you hide

tonight is the night that ive dreamt about often
open my eyes and pick myself out of this coffin
im ready to stop what ive bargained to get
russian roulette with my life that im trying to forget

breaking my mirrors im done playing with this life
dear ana of 2007 its time to say goodbye.

same pace

you say you feel nothing, not even the pain inside

you say that you arent trying to run, but i know that you hide

alone and lonely, captured by the time that you face

a minute an hour its all just a race

the world is moving by too quick, though you remain at the same pace

im somehow hurt from the hollowness you leave in a trace

swallowed by the same darkness in your life, that seems impossible to erase

a life that turned into depression, an obsession with whats left

terrfied of the outcome of life or death

tuggging you by the hand im trying to save your life

minutes could be left, while im worried this could be your last night

your words and these memories, why didnt i see?

blinded by my own suffering, how could this be?

i cant let this worry me, i cant let you down i have to be brave

i will not let the next time i see you be standing over a grave...but im not so sure if its you or me i have to save

155

nothing can stop me from what i want permanently. i will get want i want, no matter what it takes. even if it is in time, i will eventually reach my goals, and turn all of my dreams and fantasies into reality. based on my ambitions, my thoughts, and my determination, i know that the fantasies are not just dreams. they are dreams that will sooner or later become another piece of my puzzle in life. there has been times when i have messed up. times that have broken me, but shaped me into who i am today. we all have dark patches, dark holes, dark times where we have had to drag ourselves out of the coffin in which we lost ourselves. when the sun was shining, but we refused to acknowledge the beauty of the rays, when we failed to let the heat warm us, and only felt the bitterness of the cold. for me, i had become a phoenix of my past.(phoenix is a symbol of immortality. After living for centuries, it dies, and rises from its own ashes.)

after the sun had set, another one rose. the rain had washed away the dirt from the soil in the ground; along with my doubts, complications, and hurt. broken mirrors were replaced, and i soon began to see who i really was. a new book opened up, a new life. a new chapter began, and today im living my story. this is my moment. right now.

dear [_]

Dear You.


you dont seem to care about how i seem to have way too many issues in my life.
all you have to do in favor for me is to keep smiling that cute ass smile, and keep finding all the things that are so great about me that i cant see. then, things will work out beautifully between the two of us.


i hope that one day we will lay in bed together, and you will let me become everything you've ever wanted someone to be.
but i cant change like that, but i am hoping that you will find a huge place into my life.
thats enough change for me.


when i seem to find some time in my "busy" schedule i call a life, i sit down with a pen and a paper and begin to write to you. I find comfort in the way i can wind down by the way that you write your words and express your thoughts.


still, i live in hope.
yeah, so i cant help those thoughts that really are nothing but a sharp and dangerous fantasy, at least, when it comes to you.
But, without much reason, i have hope that you will take me somewhere i have never been and save me from everything that i have let destroy me.
im not broken anymore, but you, dear, you have really helped shape this part of me.
I dont want to fall apart anymore, and thats where you come in.
And thats also where all the hope that i have put into this.


but as you know, time is passing.
and im SO sick of wasting it.
Time passes very quickly now for me, which is a good thing.
it used to bring me pain, with every tick of the second hand.
but now that you're here, id like to spend time wisely.
make sense?


but in reality i spend more time thinking about you and where you are in my life.
Are you really even there?
I feel like you are just a hole dug deep inside of my stomache and my heart, and i can feel you course through every aspect of my being.
through and through.


tell me this.


Can you feel it too?


this is the way your presence is embeded in even the most sarcastic, beautiful, painful, and simple aspects of my life.
this is the way your hold on me has brought such a gorgeous light into my life.




and for as long as this lasts i will fall deeply in love with you until you decide that you are bored and sick of the way that i am.
and like you said with me being young.
it is true.
there are many more days that i have to live my life.
many more birthdays and weekends.
my heart will break a thousand more times before i die, and i wont turn completely idiotic anytime soon.
it really wouldnt be so bad if all these heartbreaks are with you.


-amber

my hoodie

Dear You,

love is the simplest, but most overused word. I LOVE YOU, i love this song, i love this movie! the word doesnt even mean that much anymore, not to most people anyways. some people just throw it around like its an old hoodie, wearing it because its comfortable, safe, and secure, but never really understanding why we have it. we lend it out, forget about it, and years later think "hey i really did like that sweater"

then we see the world fall apart, from the safety of out own living rooms, news, and on the internet and sometimes we feel so helpless and alone were not sure what to do. We cry for inhumanity, scream for the injustice, and wonder why the world is this way. WE think that we can change the world, change people, we know we want to help those who need it the most...then we remember that old hoodie that we threw out years ago.

we want it back, we fight and scramble for it. we go out and buy other ones, try them on, but none seems to fit the way that one hoodie did. we have lost it, weve lost love. we are unnerved for a bit, we sit alone and beat ourselves up over letting it go. then we just shrug it off, we say oh ill do it later, or noone will erally care. and it seems as if nobody does.

is my generation going to save the world? we try, a small group of us. but our shirts are faded among the bright ciolors of greed and the everyday and the wanting. we are pushed into the background. we try to push our way through the crowds, and we truely wonder where the love has gone.

i dont want my love to fade;although my hoodie is tattered and worn, i wear it daily. i am honest and i try to be open to the people that matter the most to me. and when i say that simple, dead, four letter word, i mean it. i know i have made mistakes, and with it in the past and i almost threw that hoodie away, i carry it carefully now. its close to my heart, where it is meant to be. i do lend it out everyone once in a great while-i let those who need it try it on and feel the safety that i feel. i leave them the pieces when i go, but my hoodie never seems to tear. it stays just as simple as it ever was. when the time comes, i will stand alone in this world, and stare into the eyes of those with the hoodies of greed, and want and lust, and i will know that even though my hoodie is not the most beautiful one in the crowd, its among the best.

love to all,

amber swainn

Put on your best dress baby

And darlin', fix your hair up right

Cause there's a party, honey

down beneath the neon lights

All day you've been working that hard line

Now tonight you're gonna have a good time

I work five days a week girl

Loading crates down on the dock

I take my hard earned money

And meet my girl down on the block

And Monday when the foreman calls time

I've already got Friday on my mind

When that whistle blows

Girl, I'm down the street

I'm home, I'm out of my work clothes

When I'm out in the street

I walk the way I wanna walk

When I'm out in the street

I talk the way I wanna talk

When I'm out in the street

When I'm out in the street

When I'm out in the street, girl

Well, I never feel alone

When I'm out in the street, girl

In the crowd I feel at home

The black and whites they cruise by

And they watch us from the corner of their eye

But there ain't no doubt girl, down here

We ain't gonna take what they're handing out

When I'm out in the street

I walk the way I wanna walk

When I'm out in the street

I talk the way I wanna talk

Baby, out in the street I don't feel sad or blue

Baby, out in the street I'll be waiting for you

When the whistle blows

Girl, I'm down the street

I'm home, I'm out of my work clothes

When I'm out in the street

I walk the way I wanna walk

When I'm out in the street

I talk the way I wanna talk

When I'm out in the street

Pretty girls, they're all passing by

When I'm out in the street

From the corner, we give them the eye

Baby, out in the street I just feel all right

Meet me out in the street, little girl, tonight

Meet me out in the street

Meet me out in the street

earth wind && fire

All around me i see the beauty of this world. Yet at the same time, i am in no way obligated to forget the troubles that not only i as a person feel, but the worlds problems as well. We all have set backs and fears, and i think that even though i have my own, there is one thing that i can never quite hate, never really....despise. That is the beauty that is all around us every single day. elements of the earth equalize the beauty of the gravel we walk on, and balance the air out quite naturally. Copper, Air, corbon dioxide, they are all apart of what combines our world, and keeps it neutral. At times when i am down, i like to take a look outside, feel the rain fall down on my face, hear it around me, and down my window. The orange, the blue, the dark gray in the sky...its almost as if the sky itself is a reason to have colors to your personality. Everywhere you look there is beauty, there is hope. And a reason to feel whole. I'd like to think that maybe once in my lifetime, i too will become an inspiration...a "hope" to this earth.

there is something in the wind that can move our spirits, something that can make us, for a single second...a free spirit. yes, even those of us who are ahrd headed, depressed, or whatever another; the wind has that power.

i know because I've felt it, and I do happen to feel it as often as humanely possible when the moment comes around. You know that feeling, because at least once we have all felt it. The blazing heat of the sun beating down on your back, the heat that seeps through your shirt and lights fire to your skin. Then the wind. It seems to go right through you, lifting not only your hair, but your spirit.

Seldomly, i wish that i could set my troubles, worries, and insecurities away. Or at least, when at the times that they get hot, feel that wind that comes along, and be somewhat...comfortable with the fact that at times life IS indeed, harder.

Years go by, days, months, weeks, and seconds. Life offers, and throws at you changes that none of us are in control to ignore. Times and moments, and memories have changed, faded, and standed still in time. People come, and people go. People change, situations change. You can't fight it at times, and sometimes, you can. im like ice, i can melt, and i can freeze. i can metamorphosis, yet at times i stay frozen into my personality. He is my fire, the kind that goes through your viens like adrenaline, the kind that gives you your own unique fuel. He is the fire that burns, the kind that can hurt and can scald you...the one that leaves scars on your skin forever. mostly, i would like to say that he is my fire because he has never really changed. he has at times, faded into a spark, or grown into something outragious. But he has always remained. Fire and Ice aren't compatible, they don't move eachother, they don't equal eachother out; not in the laws of physics. Yet i still feel that i am moved quite easily by the burn, by the warmth. yet even though i have felt that time and time again, i am left with the scars. and this is what hurts the most

she stands silently by the dock, clenching the sleeves of her jacket wishing for the impossible.
hollow, empty, just another person that exists in this lonesome world.
clouds above the shore fade into the distance, grow darker with time. somedays she feels like the clouds in the sky. glowing into the crowd, making the stars around the horizon come to life; or in depth..turn black and burn out with the rest.
holding close to the ones that mean most, she swollows the regrets she longs to hold back.
yet, she feels those people slip away, out of her reach, these people she can't keep.
closing the blinds, shutting out the light, breathing in the shimmer of night...she resists.
reaching out to catch, to touch, to feel this creature, maybe shell think twice.
when something so beautiful isn't yours to feel, you remind yourself of the things in life that you have that are real.
a touch of passion, this need that youve strived for isn't going to happen.
green fields of hope, kisses of sorrow, sweet creature, just begging for one more tomorrow.
unclench you worries that you wear on your sleeve, brown eyes will be back before you leave.
when all the hopes that you have are gone, these worries will become the chords of a tune in your song.
dont erase, wash visions of green eyes from your face.
i leave you, just so you can take my place.

6-15-09

sitting here thinkin about the decisions im makin, the shit that were fakin.. dont know if things are gonna end up alrite.. or if things are gonna end up like the other night... i hope you belive in the things you do cuz in the end its all what makes you...without me ure real and on ure own.. but without you i jus sit there all alone... this is life and im not afraid of it, but when ur around u make me try to love it... so far we've been through alot.. but u kno and i kno that this is wut we got.. to live for, to belive in.. and really dont need a reason to explain or if the feelings retain...i know when it comes to you you manage to destroy my pain... i dont know why i felt i had to write this.. but it rhymes and i kinda like it.. me and u , u and me... when we are together i can really see the light in your brown eyes and the smile on your face takes my breath away and puts me in a place where pain and hate and anger is gone but mabey im wrong... but i know if i loose u now then things'll never be the same...&& without you ill just be alone with only my life to own...and no matter the weather or the day or night, i kno things wil be alrite when we lie together at night...with a friendship that makes you feel shit, no fake shit, but if it wasnt for you i wouldnt be shit...this love that is real, what kind of love do i feel where i cant seem to get it, you wont seem to admit it, but those tears that you cryed i cant just forget it... so only to wonder if it'll will last or if this will all be another chapter in the depths of our past...my addiction, another addition, your words are just a fucked up perscription to my decisions...and maybe youre just a bad habit, but the minute i stop...im right back at it...