dear [_]

Dear You.


you dont seem to care about how i seem to have way too many issues in my life.
all you have to do in favor for me is to keep smiling that cute ass smile, and keep finding all the things that are so great about me that i cant see. then, things will work out beautifully between the two of us.


i hope that one day we will lay in bed together, and you will let me become everything you've ever wanted someone to be.
but i cant change like that, but i am hoping that you will find a huge place into my life.
thats enough change for me.


when i seem to find some time in my "busy" schedule i call a life, i sit down with a pen and a paper and begin to write to you. I find comfort in the way i can wind down by the way that you write your words and express your thoughts.


still, i live in hope.
yeah, so i cant help those thoughts that really are nothing but a sharp and dangerous fantasy, at least, when it comes to you.
But, without much reason, i have hope that you will take me somewhere i have never been and save me from everything that i have let destroy me.
im not broken anymore, but you, dear, you have really helped shape this part of me.
I dont want to fall apart anymore, and thats where you come in.
And thats also where all the hope that i have put into this.


but as you know, time is passing.
and im SO sick of wasting it.
Time passes very quickly now for me, which is a good thing.
it used to bring me pain, with every tick of the second hand.
but now that you're here, id like to spend time wisely.
make sense?


but in reality i spend more time thinking about you and where you are in my life.
Are you really even there?
I feel like you are just a hole dug deep inside of my stomache and my heart, and i can feel you course through every aspect of my being.
through and through.


tell me this.


Can you feel it too?


this is the way your presence is embeded in even the most sarcastic, beautiful, painful, and simple aspects of my life.
this is the way your hold on me has brought such a gorgeous light into my life.




and for as long as this lasts i will fall deeply in love with you until you decide that you are bored and sick of the way that i am.
and like you said with me being young.
it is true.
there are many more days that i have to live my life.
many more birthdays and weekends.
my heart will break a thousand more times before i die, and i wont turn completely idiotic anytime soon.
it really wouldnt be so bad if all these heartbreaks are with you.


-amber