jace vohn ahyden swain

dear baby,

you don't know your way around this world yet, considering you are too small to know basically anything at all. for you there are no worries, no doubts, thoughts are something you cant quite comprehend even in the least bit. tragedies await you, and you're entire life is a mystery that only you yourself can uncover.

i am here for you in all the ways that i can be. to nurture you, to help you grow, and to try to teach you not to make the millions of mistakes that i made, that i make, and that i will make. of course, you will have to go on about your own business, learning all of the things yet to learn, but i can only guide you away from those decisions, and hope that you don't do any of the things that i taught you not to do.

if i had the ability to take away all of the pain, the anger, the confusion, the heartache, the downfalls, the addictions, the suspicions, the CRAPPY PARTS of life, i am unsure if i would or not. pain, experience, and having the ability to be able to bring yourself out of the downfalls life will indeed throw at you relentlessly....has such a substaintial impact on your life. if i knew that i could take all of that away, knowing that if i did it might save your life, or infact help you in some positive and uproaring way than i would. but i will never have the ability to teach you what you can teach yourself.

i want to be there to teach you how to do anything and everything that you want to do. where do you want to go Jace?

do you want to go see the great barrier reef?
you want to go to sydney australia at night, and see all the lights that add color to your already livid personality?
whatever that you want to do, whether it become a science teacher, a vet, an astronaut, a sailer, a fisherman, or a hippie...if it makes you happier than all the millions of other things there are to do, or have, or live by in this world than go for it.

i love you child. i love you baby. i cant wait to hold you in my arms to finally be able to see if you have my eyes, if you have my intuition, and if you have daddys laugh. god i love his laugh.

i just wanted to ensure you that despite whatever happens, whatever your thoughts are, whatever it is that you desire, hate, love, feel, think, rebel against, etc...i will always be the mom that understands and that will try to teach you ways to better yourself through this life.

and when you are finally here to see the world, my only hope is that i wont fail. i do not, will not, can not fail you. i love you too much.