Sunday, October 23, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
dear everyone,
how the hell do you go through life wondering what to do with it, and not doing it at the same time?
i want to be able to simply know how to balance my thoughts out, and not tie them in with my feelings.
at this point, its driving me absolutely insane trying to construct my thoughts and my actions all at once.
im not used to feeling like at any moment my life will all fall apart, and i will have to go through something tragic, upsetting, and unpleasantly life changing like i have been doing here recently.
im not sure how to explain to all of you that what you are seeing is a girl that is trying undoubtfully hard to do right even though that is the last thing that she wants to do, and she wouldnt be doing it if it wasnt to do anything other than making it right. but how do you do right, and know what you doing is right when you havent ever done this before. not easy, but dont ever give up i guess. not on me, not on yourself, not on any situation or anything in life. the moment that you try not to do something you know you should be doing, it completely puts you at wrong with your actions, and your conscious.
you may not understand that i do understand why the hell you dont get me.
i have a million opinions, questions, feelings, and so many plans at the moment, all directed towards a direction i am so unfamiliar with.
im not sure how the hell i didnt just walk out that door and fuck up my life like i so badly wanted to.
fortunately, i had all the people that i need in my life there that dealt with me, and by dealing with me, they were being patient enough to try to understand, just ike myself what the hell is going on. but i guess i cant be mad for a single second. i wont be mad or angery or upset with them at all. i do understand their side as much as i can, but what i understand from not just everyones side individually, but the hole situation, is that we are all fucking helpless in this perdicament that i put us in. all of us.
we are all trying relentlessly though to understand where we are comming from.
i realize now so much that i hadnt realized before for the simple fact im finally dealling with this in a rational manner, and not givin gup and allowing myself, my thoughts, my feelings to be come naturally and not hide them away and not try to make them anything than what they are.
despite how difficult your feelings may be, despite how you may not want to feel them, its impossible to hide, cover up, disguise, or change your own thoughts, how you percieve them, recieve thoughts, and then deal with them you can do that, but you cant change who you are, or what you believe in and being scared of feeling things while going through them will absolutely fuck up your train of thought once you try to deciefer whose feelings, thoughts, beliefs are whose. you are going to believe in what you are going to believe in, and feel whatever youre going to feel. even if it is the worst feeling in the enitre universe, it is nothing compared to the feeling of feeling every single solitary thing that you have kept inside your mind and your heart all at one time.
obviously tonight i couldnt even answer a simple question without explaining a million things that i have kept bottled up inside for not only days but months, and weeks, and years at a time that im now dealing with. the thing is i dont know how to deal with these things this way, or the way that i did. im trying very hard to finally be able to do right with my life, and in order to do that i need to give all the people in my life a chance to see that. hopefully along the way i will be able to just go to them without contradicting myself, or my intentions.
so you have asked this whole time
what is it that you are trying to say........
well here it goes!
running away was the most impulsive, yet organized thing i have ever done. life is absoltelly ironic in that way, believe it or not. how can you be able to do something so impulsively yet so thought out at the same time? even if you have a plan, that is carefully organzied, thought out, and constructed, you can make that plan come into play at the worst possible time. does that make sense? i was trying to hard to fix my life, but i left doing the exact opposite, and completely contradicting my own actions without realizing it.
god i hope that makes sense to you.
i had no idea what i was doing at that moment, even if i wouldve waited until about hm lets say 12 am midnight on my birthday, there are numerous things that i couldve had under control. leaving at a time where i was upset, hurt, pissed off, and abolsteyly torn, was the most IMPULSIVE thing i have ever done. i want you to know that in my heart i was doing it because i had thought i was doing something that was going to change my life forever, and open up new door ways.
and believe me it did, but not in the ways that i had thought that they would.
we have all been through a tragedy that is undoubtfully anguishing and profound it may take years to finally be able to turn this into something that is meaningful, and worth what the intions where sought out to be. please give me the time to show you that i need you to be able to all be here for me, even if may seem impossible, i hope that if you decide to come to a decison that will drastically change my life or yours, that you dont make that decision because it seems impossible. youll know when it is, and we both will. we wont have anythint left to say to eachother, there will be nothing left to say if it ever gets to that point.
i have many things to say to all of you individually, but i hope that this explains at least the majority of my intentions at the moment. hopefully we can just simly figure out a way to have this conversation in an open manner, and know what point we are trying to get across.
giving up on me, and not giving my thoughts, beliefs, and reasons a chance, thats the last thing that will help me.
please believe that i know what it is that i need to do in order to make my life better, being here was the first step, this was the second, and i believe that tomorrow, well....today actually....we can finally do this. i feel like we arent all going to just simply fade away from eachother, yet i wonder why my heart is screaming please dont walk away for good until they understand EXACTLY everything you have needed to say.
get it?
how the hell do you go through life wondering what to do with it, and not doing it at the same time?
i want to be able to simply know how to balance my thoughts out, and not tie them in with my feelings.
at this point, its driving me absolutely insane trying to construct my thoughts and my actions all at once.
im not used to feeling like at any moment my life will all fall apart, and i will have to go through something tragic, upsetting, and unpleasantly life changing like i have been doing here recently.
im not sure how to explain to all of you that what you are seeing is a girl that is trying undoubtfully hard to do right even though that is the last thing that she wants to do, and she wouldnt be doing it if it wasnt to do anything other than making it right. but how do you do right, and know what you doing is right when you havent ever done this before. not easy, but dont ever give up i guess. not on me, not on yourself, not on any situation or anything in life. the moment that you try not to do something you know you should be doing, it completely puts you at wrong with your actions, and your conscious.
you may not understand that i do understand why the hell you dont get me.
i have a million opinions, questions, feelings, and so many plans at the moment, all directed towards a direction i am so unfamiliar with.
im not sure how the hell i didnt just walk out that door and fuck up my life like i so badly wanted to.
fortunately, i had all the people that i need in my life there that dealt with me, and by dealing with me, they were being patient enough to try to understand, just ike myself what the hell is going on. but i guess i cant be mad for a single second. i wont be mad or angery or upset with them at all. i do understand their side as much as i can, but what i understand from not just everyones side individually, but the hole situation, is that we are all fucking helpless in this perdicament that i put us in. all of us.
we are all trying relentlessly though to understand where we are comming from.
i realize now so much that i hadnt realized before for the simple fact im finally dealling with this in a rational manner, and not givin gup and allowing myself, my thoughts, my feelings to be come naturally and not hide them away and not try to make them anything than what they are.
despite how difficult your feelings may be, despite how you may not want to feel them, its impossible to hide, cover up, disguise, or change your own thoughts, how you percieve them, recieve thoughts, and then deal with them you can do that, but you cant change who you are, or what you believe in and being scared of feeling things while going through them will absolutely fuck up your train of thought once you try to deciefer whose feelings, thoughts, beliefs are whose. you are going to believe in what you are going to believe in, and feel whatever youre going to feel. even if it is the worst feeling in the enitre universe, it is nothing compared to the feeling of feeling every single solitary thing that you have kept inside your mind and your heart all at one time.
obviously tonight i couldnt even answer a simple question without explaining a million things that i have kept bottled up inside for not only days but months, and weeks, and years at a time that im now dealing with. the thing is i dont know how to deal with these things this way, or the way that i did. im trying very hard to finally be able to do right with my life, and in order to do that i need to give all the people in my life a chance to see that. hopefully along the way i will be able to just go to them without contradicting myself, or my intentions.
so you have asked this whole time
what is it that you are trying to say........
well here it goes!
running away was the most impulsive, yet organized thing i have ever done. life is absoltelly ironic in that way, believe it or not. how can you be able to do something so impulsively yet so thought out at the same time? even if you have a plan, that is carefully organzied, thought out, and constructed, you can make that plan come into play at the worst possible time. does that make sense? i was trying to hard to fix my life, but i left doing the exact opposite, and completely contradicting my own actions without realizing it.
god i hope that makes sense to you.
i had no idea what i was doing at that moment, even if i wouldve waited until about hm lets say 12 am midnight on my birthday, there are numerous things that i couldve had under control. leaving at a time where i was upset, hurt, pissed off, and abolsteyly torn, was the most IMPULSIVE thing i have ever done. i want you to know that in my heart i was doing it because i had thought i was doing something that was going to change my life forever, and open up new door ways.
and believe me it did, but not in the ways that i had thought that they would.
we have all been through a tragedy that is undoubtfully anguishing and profound it may take years to finally be able to turn this into something that is meaningful, and worth what the intions where sought out to be. please give me the time to show you that i need you to be able to all be here for me, even if may seem impossible, i hope that if you decide to come to a decison that will drastically change my life or yours, that you dont make that decision because it seems impossible. youll know when it is, and we both will. we wont have anythint left to say to eachother, there will be nothing left to say if it ever gets to that point.
i have many things to say to all of you individually, but i hope that this explains at least the majority of my intentions at the moment. hopefully we can just simly figure out a way to have this conversation in an open manner, and know what point we are trying to get across.
giving up on me, and not giving my thoughts, beliefs, and reasons a chance, thats the last thing that will help me.
please believe that i know what it is that i need to do in order to make my life better, being here was the first step, this was the second, and i believe that tomorrow, well....today actually....we can finally do this. i feel like we arent all going to just simply fade away from eachother, yet i wonder why my heart is screaming please dont walk away for good until they understand EXACTLY everything you have needed to say.
get it?
Monday, March 7, 2011
Unborn
Escaped.
Time, life, meaning, and all forms of hope we're erased from possession.
Unanswered questions remain in demand of being answered, as new questions begin to boil we reach our position where we are yet again raising our weapons- in all fear that there is a war.
Having your fellow soldier fall puts you at risk when he wounds you as well. If you're one of those tough soldiers that has unconditional love for what he's fighting for, youll be like me, and despite being wounded, you'll go back for your soldier. Even if he did wound you, it's easy to see with teamwork and passion, persistence, and determination you can make it to your destination.
Now were on a separate mission, and we just got the word that the mission is being called off. My soldier doesn't seem slightly bothered, for he has faith that another mission will arrive, and I have concerns and doubts about him on the next mission.
Soulless and hopeless.
The clouds are relentlessly expanding over oceans of turquoise sky, the air remains still as stagnant water.
She's falling falling falling, disappearing along with all the hope she lost.
Notebooks I will stain with tears, your letters hold pain sharp enough to cut me to my last half before i can no longer remain together.
The rain has started, bittersweet, so sweet you hardly know if it's sour or perfectly sweet. I can smell the air, it's thick with tragedy, and carries well with the wind. Letters, plans, dedication and thought are washed away, drenched, and ruined from the rain.
She's drowning.
.......she did not resurface
Time, life, meaning, and all forms of hope we're erased from possession.
Unanswered questions remain in demand of being answered, as new questions begin to boil we reach our position where we are yet again raising our weapons- in all fear that there is a war.
Having your fellow soldier fall puts you at risk when he wounds you as well. If you're one of those tough soldiers that has unconditional love for what he's fighting for, youll be like me, and despite being wounded, you'll go back for your soldier. Even if he did wound you, it's easy to see with teamwork and passion, persistence, and determination you can make it to your destination.
Now were on a separate mission, and we just got the word that the mission is being called off. My soldier doesn't seem slightly bothered, for he has faith that another mission will arrive, and I have concerns and doubts about him on the next mission.
Soulless and hopeless.
The clouds are relentlessly expanding over oceans of turquoise sky, the air remains still as stagnant water.
She's falling falling falling, disappearing along with all the hope she lost.
Notebooks I will stain with tears, your letters hold pain sharp enough to cut me to my last half before i can no longer remain together.
The rain has started, bittersweet, so sweet you hardly know if it's sour or perfectly sweet. I can smell the air, it's thick with tragedy, and carries well with the wind. Letters, plans, dedication and thought are washed away, drenched, and ruined from the rain.
She's drowning.
.......she did not resurface
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
jace vohn ahyden swain
dear baby,
you don't know your way around this world yet, considering you are too small to know basically anything at all. for you there are no worries, no doubts, thoughts are something you cant quite comprehend even in the least bit. tragedies await you, and you're entire life is a mystery that only you yourself can uncover.
i am here for you in all the ways that i can be. to nurture you, to help you grow, and to try to teach you not to make the millions of mistakes that i made, that i make, and that i will make. of course, you will have to go on about your own business, learning all of the things yet to learn, but i can only guide you away from those decisions, and hope that you don't do any of the things that i taught you not to do.
if i had the ability to take away all of the pain, the anger, the confusion, the heartache, the downfalls, the addictions, the suspicions, the CRAPPY PARTS of life, i am unsure if i would or not. pain, experience, and having the ability to be able to bring yourself out of the downfalls life will indeed throw at you relentlessly....has such a substaintial impact on your life. if i knew that i could take all of that away, knowing that if i did it might save your life, or infact help you in some positive and uproaring way than i would. but i will never have the ability to teach you what you can teach yourself.
i want to be there to teach you how to do anything and everything that you want to do. where do you want to go Jace?
do you want to go see the great barrier reef?
you want to go to sydney australia at night, and see all the lights that add color to your already livid personality?
whatever that you want to do, whether it become a science teacher, a vet, an astronaut, a sailer, a fisherman, or a hippie...if it makes you happier than all the millions of other things there are to do, or have, or live by in this world than go for it.
i love you child. i love you baby. i cant wait to hold you in my arms to finally be able to see if you have my eyes, if you have my intuition, and if you have daddys laugh. god i love his laugh.
i just wanted to ensure you that despite whatever happens, whatever your thoughts are, whatever it is that you desire, hate, love, feel, think, rebel against, etc...i will always be the mom that understands and that will try to teach you ways to better yourself through this life.
and when you are finally here to see the world, my only hope is that i wont fail. i do not, will not, can not fail you. i love you too much.
you don't know your way around this world yet, considering you are too small to know basically anything at all. for you there are no worries, no doubts, thoughts are something you cant quite comprehend even in the least bit. tragedies await you, and you're entire life is a mystery that only you yourself can uncover.
i am here for you in all the ways that i can be. to nurture you, to help you grow, and to try to teach you not to make the millions of mistakes that i made, that i make, and that i will make. of course, you will have to go on about your own business, learning all of the things yet to learn, but i can only guide you away from those decisions, and hope that you don't do any of the things that i taught you not to do.
if i had the ability to take away all of the pain, the anger, the confusion, the heartache, the downfalls, the addictions, the suspicions, the CRAPPY PARTS of life, i am unsure if i would or not. pain, experience, and having the ability to be able to bring yourself out of the downfalls life will indeed throw at you relentlessly....has such a substaintial impact on your life. if i knew that i could take all of that away, knowing that if i did it might save your life, or infact help you in some positive and uproaring way than i would. but i will never have the ability to teach you what you can teach yourself.
i want to be there to teach you how to do anything and everything that you want to do. where do you want to go Jace?
do you want to go see the great barrier reef?
you want to go to sydney australia at night, and see all the lights that add color to your already livid personality?
whatever that you want to do, whether it become a science teacher, a vet, an astronaut, a sailer, a fisherman, or a hippie...if it makes you happier than all the millions of other things there are to do, or have, or live by in this world than go for it.
i love you child. i love you baby. i cant wait to hold you in my arms to finally be able to see if you have my eyes, if you have my intuition, and if you have daddys laugh. god i love his laugh.
i just wanted to ensure you that despite whatever happens, whatever your thoughts are, whatever it is that you desire, hate, love, feel, think, rebel against, etc...i will always be the mom that understands and that will try to teach you ways to better yourself through this life.
and when you are finally here to see the world, my only hope is that i wont fail. i do not, will not, can not fail you. i love you too much.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
you.
its dark out, and all of the town seems to have dissapeared by themselves, leaving me to be alone along with the gruble that has been left for me to rot away beside.
i look at all of the clouds that have been hovering over my head, i watch how they move slowly across the sky, and the sight of this makes my whole heart seem to break. its all so beautiful.
i look at all of the clouds that have been hovering over my head, i watch how they move slowly across the sky, and the sight of this makes my whole heart seem to break. its all so beautiful.
dont forget me when i leave.
thats all i ask is that once im gone, you hold true to my memory.
fade back to the days where life was good.
days on the boat, drifting along with the water, drifting along forever.
viewing the stars at night makes me smile.
i smile until i cry.
as i pack my bags, i leave you a letter saying that ill come back for you.
i leave you a box, and in it you will find all the things that will remind you of myself whenever i am gone.
i hope whenever it rains you will wonder what our baby looks like, wondering what it would be like to hold the life that you created with me.
a life
a life
a life.
we created it.
Friday, January 21, 2011
fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuck
this isnt her, staying quiet and keeping certain thoughts in her mind aren't usual.
see, it can become impossible for her to even function correctly without all those wild curiosities going on in her mind, or all the opinions and things that make her who she is.
maybe though, just maybe once i begin dealing with situations like everyone else does, and the longer that I do it, the more apparent it will be that you fell in love with someone different.
i will work with you though
i am running out of options as to what i am doing.
how about this?
you come to me when you can know what you want to do, or how you would like me to handle certain things.
its never enough for anyone.
what hurts the most though is the fact that despite how often i try to manage certain things about either my thoughts, my emotions, anything...the more you realize maybe you fell in love with the wrong person?
i feel this way.
i dont want it to be true, i dont know what to think.
i wish you would talk to me.
i ask god every night to bring you back.
see, it can become impossible for her to even function correctly without all those wild curiosities going on in her mind, or all the opinions and things that make her who she is.
maybe though, just maybe once i begin dealing with situations like everyone else does, and the longer that I do it, the more apparent it will be that you fell in love with someone different.
i will work with you though
i am running out of options as to what i am doing.
how about this?
you come to me when you can know what you want to do, or how you would like me to handle certain things.
its never enough for anyone.
what hurts the most though is the fact that despite how often i try to manage certain things about either my thoughts, my emotions, anything...the more you realize maybe you fell in love with the wrong person?
i feel this way.
i dont want it to be true, i dont know what to think.
i wish you would talk to me.
i ask god every night to bring you back.
Friday, January 14, 2011
car ride
i remember it like it was yesterday.
yeah, i do remember all the things that went with seeing you for the first time.
i remember how you smiled, and i thought it was something very sweet and special because it livened up your entire face, and anyone who could see that smile, could also see a glipse of the happiness you felt. we can feel it.
i remember how i froze the first time right there in the doorway of english, at the very sight of you.
sometimes you know, its still like that.
sometimes you make me stop dead in my tracks, you take my breath away, and you still give me goosebumps, even when you simply hold my hand.
five months later were somewhere else.
but ill tell ya, when you hold my hand, i still get that. still, i feel every emotion, and i willl continue to fall in love with you relentlessly.
im not sure where we're going, im not sure how many sights we'll see along the way, and im not sure who we will bump into along the way. im not sure even where we last where a week ago.
still, ill be on the passengers side, waiting for our destination, and enjoying the ride up until you decide to let me out of the car.
and i hope you know that ill be beside you, im here.
we watch miracles happen every day.
we live this magic, and we are the magic.
my fear is someday you will wake up, your view on who i am will change, and all the love that continues to grow each day will only fade, and you will let go of all of what we have.
i disregaurd it now. i will continue disregaurding all negative thoughts, all my bad emotions i cant control, i will keep it down and away from you.
sorry...i know the music has been loud this car ride.
....
yeah, i do remember all the things that went with seeing you for the first time.
i remember how you smiled, and i thought it was something very sweet and special because it livened up your entire face, and anyone who could see that smile, could also see a glipse of the happiness you felt. we can feel it.
i remember how i froze the first time right there in the doorway of english, at the very sight of you.
sometimes you know, its still like that.
sometimes you make me stop dead in my tracks, you take my breath away, and you still give me goosebumps, even when you simply hold my hand.
five months later were somewhere else.
but ill tell ya, when you hold my hand, i still get that. still, i feel every emotion, and i willl continue to fall in love with you relentlessly.
im not sure where we're going, im not sure how many sights we'll see along the way, and im not sure who we will bump into along the way. im not sure even where we last where a week ago.
still, ill be on the passengers side, waiting for our destination, and enjoying the ride up until you decide to let me out of the car.
and i hope you know that ill be beside you, im here.
we watch miracles happen every day.
we live this magic, and we are the magic.
my fear is someday you will wake up, your view on who i am will change, and all the love that continues to grow each day will only fade, and you will let go of all of what we have.
i disregaurd it now. i will continue disregaurding all negative thoughts, all my bad emotions i cant control, i will keep it down and away from you.
sorry...i know the music has been loud this car ride.
....
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
today i felt the wind rush through me, as i watch the rain drops dance down my window pane. I stand silently as I let the rain form puddles beneath my feet that have no real intentions except to collect dirt and grime. Within the sky, there are clouds that have rolled from miles and miles away, like the ocean traveling halfway across the universe. Time is ticking, passing away within the moments that creep by, stealing away all forms of happiness and joy.
Beneath my heart, I have reserved a special place for him. I locked it up, and threw away the key in all hopes that it would remain forever.
I desperately tried to eliminate anything that would harm that special part of me, and I pushed endlessly to try to do a myriad of things that would keep that part of me here forever.
Perhaps I destroyed that own part of me, watched it fade away, and burn along with the clouds, the rain, and puddles beneath my feet.
and along with that sacred place in my heart, i too will burn along side with the lilghtening, and I watch my self create tornados of my good intentions
Beneath my heart, I have reserved a special place for him. I locked it up, and threw away the key in all hopes that it would remain forever.
I desperately tried to eliminate anything that would harm that special part of me, and I pushed endlessly to try to do a myriad of things that would keep that part of me here forever.
Perhaps I destroyed that own part of me, watched it fade away, and burn along with the clouds, the rain, and puddles beneath my feet.
and along with that sacred place in my heart, i too will burn along side with the lilghtening, and I watch my self create tornados of my good intentions
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
20 years from today
make sure that you meet up with your husband and then show him the drawing that he did on September 29, 2010 at 1:24 pm. and then if i still have it, you owe me $15 and you buy groceries for a WEEK.
love,
amber
love,
amber
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Thursday, September 2, 2010
she eyes me like a pisces when, i am weak
"Punk is musical freedom. It's saying, doing and playing what you want. In Webster's terms, 'nirvana' means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world, and that's pretty close to my definition of Punk Rock."
-Kurt Cobain
-Kurt Cobain
Monday, August 23, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
American History X
"~ So I guess this is where I tell you what I learned - my conclusion, right? Well, my conclusion is: Hate is baggage. Life's too short to be pissed off all the time. It's just not worth it. Derek says it's always good to end a paper with a quote. He says someone else has already said it best. So if you can't top it, steal from them and go out strong. So I picked a guy I thought you'd like. 'We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.~ "
Thursday, July 1, 2010
pisces
thats where i founnnd this
=]
"I believe"a "Water"
signSymbol: The Fish
Birthstone: Aquamarine
Dates: Feb. 19 - March 20
Your Sign's History...
In the constellation of Pisces, one fish faces east and swims upwards whilethe other swims west along the plane of the ecliptic. The eastern fish suggests an upward ascent or a heavenly/spiritualdisposition; the western fish, a mundane/earthly alignment. You prefer to head toward the spiritual direction of the eastern fish, whichalways seems most intent upon altering its course. The alternate reality you envision and create with fantasy, dreams, meditation and spiritual bliss is much more attractive to you than the trials, tribulations and sorrow you encounter on the material plane.
Your Personality...
Pisces are very creative and don't live by the norms. Ruled by Neptune, the fish is greedless and doesn't concern herself about tomorrow. Good natured, he or she rarely gets visibly angry. When they do, it never lasts long.Living in their own world, the fish sees life through rose colored glasses. They are not na•ve to the bad things in life-- they just have different standards for their lives.Known for their quick wit and large funny bone,the Pisces uses laughter, wittiness, and humor to cover her rapidly flowing emotional river.
You have the same sign as:
John Travolta, Drew Barrymore, George Washington, Elizabeth Taylor, John Bon Jovi
Niki Taylor, Jackie Gleason, Ted Kennedy, Harry Belefonti, Michelangelo Sailor,
my palm readdding!
basic hand type results:
A smooth silky texture: You have good taste, and you enjoy excessive indulgences. You like expensive clothes and an elegant lifestyle. But there are times when you seriously risk spending more than you earn.
Smooth fingers: You have good instincts, so you can probably predict how things will turn out before everyone else. You are self-confident. Your tendency to act first and think afterwards is one of your weaknesses.
Long nails: You have an artistic and sensitive approach to life. Your good-nature means that you could be hurt by selfish and greedy people. Make sure others do not take advantage of you. Just take things slow.
Thin nails: You have may delicate health and be susceptible to ailments, especially allergies. But you are a kind person and you will have many friends in life.
LIFE LINE~
Thin: You may feel physical weakness. But you can overcome your tendency towards illness through exercise and an outdoor life.
Lines jutting upward: These lines are called effort lines, and indicate a person who puts great effort in their work.
Wide curve: You're an energetic person, who's eager to get out. You'll lead an exciting life and travel a lot until you reach your middle years, at which point you'd do better to settle down.
Ends with short lines: You will maintain a healthy and exuberant lifestyle into your middle years. But at that time you will be vulnerable to serious illnesses. Follow your doctor's advice if you want to stay fit.
HEAD LINE-
Straight and narrow: You are realistic and sensible. You are comfortable in routine and you resist change. This makes you a very committed romantic partner, but you have to consciously add elements of surprise and mystery to your romance to keep it alive.
Criss-crossing wrinkles: The wrinkles are symbolic of problems. Sometimes you feel uncertain and cannot make up your mind. If you have trouble concentrating, retreat to a quieter place and practice meditation.
crossing between the two-
Touching: You have a sensitive side with deep emotional feelings. While you are secure and reliable, some people consider you too mild and passive.
Starts higher: You are narrow-minded in monetary affairs, or in other words, stingy.
Ends between 2 fingers: You'll never give up on your search for the perfect partner. You are a very sincere person, so it's important that you find a sincere and faithful partner.
Split end pointing up: You will have or are in a happy marriage.
Breaks: You'll be frequently tempted to break off one romance and start another. Be prepared for trouble if you marry a person with a broken Heart Line.
destiny line-
Thin and vague: You are unhappy with yourself and you probably lack intention in your life. You may switch jobs often, in a rootless fashion. You can help yourself by showing enthusiasm and working hard. If you persevere, you'll succeed.
Lower than usual: You are a reliable person and you can improve your life through self-effort and will.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
wel, thers lunch
ugh yeah, i was making fries in the microwave...
and yeah...uh they almost caught the microwave on fire! and now my entire house smells of burntness and is filled tremoundously with smoke.
dont go to brevins and order a basket of 5 dollar fries, only to take them home and alsmot catch your house on fire.
and yeah...uh they almost caught the microwave on fire! and now my entire house smells of burntness and is filled tremoundously with smoke.
dont go to brevins and order a basket of 5 dollar fries, only to take them home and alsmot catch your house on fire.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
gi jane!
Master Chief John Urgayle: Pain is your friend, your ally, it will tell you when you are seriously injured, it will keep you awake and angry, and remind you to finish the job and get the hell home. But you know the best thing about pain?
Lt. Jordan O'Neil: Don't know!
Master Chief John Urgayle: It lets you know you're not dead yet!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
covered in stars
what is this thing that captivates others towards you?
i bet i could place twenty bucks down and ask each girl in every one of my classes whether she thinks your cute or not, and i would bet three girls in every room would think your cute.
id still have that twenty too. it basically makes me believe in wierd conspiracies and stupid darwin theories.
but what is it about you? i meen look at you, you're an asshole and you think you know the world by the back of your gorgeous hands. sorry, im honestly not trying to insult you or anything, i wouldn't say any of this if i didn't think you would say the same damn thing about yourself. how the hell did you find true love? really. you're so gorgeous and even though you're also hilarious and pretty much a genious, you're way too gorgeous to know the signs of a fake woman. at least, from the outside looking in thats how it appears. i meen in order to find "the one" you have to have that connection with someone, but also you have to know that whoever you like, likes you back. doesn't everyone like you?
i look forward to you making me laugh every single day।it is exhausting, and a waste of my time to let your beautiful eyes, and amazing jokes get to me.
यू ब्रिघ्तें माय एन्तिरे वर्ल्ड फॉर me
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
g
dear tuesday,
this family is going to fall apart after we move, and i know that is going to be the end of everything that i have learned and done the past three years of my life.
just down the drain over some stupid decision, made by who other than my own dad.
I said, "Dad, there are other people in this house, all who don't want to move. all who have carefully, and thoughtfully sorted through the postive and negative's of this decision.
Yet, the only opinion that matters is yours. you still have the chance to back out, yet you keep digging deeper.
You're making sure that we get this house, why?
When you know that this is what is going to destroy each and every one of us...?"
apparently our decision doesn't matter because he knows whats right for all of us, i guess.
love,
amber
p.s. -Even when we are forced to do some tough shit, there are things we can do to fix it.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Dear You,
Thank you for allowing me to become someone that I like much better.
my favorite thing about you is the faces that you make, and even the way you piss me off and then ten minutes later i realize i can never be mad at you.
So listen.
I tell you a lot, in fact, I let you know a lot more about who i am and what I do,
then anyone else.
But right now, I still kind of hate every day that passes since....
....well you know.
anyways, i'm far from stupid.
i guess it was just something that everyone does now.
do you understand what I'm trying to get through to you?
Do you get what I'm trying to ask?
If you don't then I guess here it goes:
People make mistakes.(?)
shit happens.
accidents (?) happen.
second thoughts circle my mind constantly.
So which one was it?
Ugh, but like I said, I could never be mad at you.
Not for long anyways.
Don't worry,
because I love you.
You are covered in stars to me.
Just remember...
where ever I was that night;
I'm a million miles away from that at this moment.
You really seem to confuse me.
Someday I hope this is worked out.
We, together, will figure out what that was about, and maybe, after all those years that passed me by thinking of that, maybe once I'll actually get a full nights sleep without wanting to go downstairs at four in the morning to smoke a cigarette.
And quite frankly, I am sick and tired of beginning my mornings at five just because I can't ever seem to get back to sleep all the way.
What I hate is all the god damn dreams I have about you.
You always find a way into my damn dreams, taunting me about how much you secretely can't stand me and think i'm a skankbag.
I hate dreams with you in it, at least the ones I can remember.
Even when I am in my dreams I wonder, while i'm dreaming, what the hell you are doing in my dreaming zone.
I can't think about you anymore.
For the past three months I have been doing more just trying not to think about you, then I do anything else.
Meaning, everyday you creep into my mind.
Everyday I have to avoid thinking about it.
Man, you piss me off
Love,
amber
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
2
HEY SUGAR TASTE
IM A REBEL. AGAINST CAUSES.
APOCALYPSE, DONT LET ME FADE
GOT MY SPINE, I GOT MY ORANGE CRUSH
DEVON <3
MY BEST FRIEND IS JAMIE SPURGEON. SIMPLE IS AS SIMPLE DOES
YEAH, MY FACE IS FUNNY HERE. BUT I LOVE THE LAKEEE
AND THIS IS WHY I LOVE JAMIE. FOR REAL, I LAUGH EACH TIME I SEE THIS
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SUMMER DAYS ARE THE BEST
Sunday, March 28, 2010
get lucky?
40 signs of good luck
Good Luck Gemstones
Do You Believe in Magic?
36. Amber
Amber is thought to be a bit of the sun with the power to bring good fortune.
The Greeks called this Amber "elektron", which gave us our word of electricity, and its power to give off sparks when rubbed may be why many people have considered it a lucky charm. Both the Chinese and the Muslims burn amber as incense as a protection against evil spirits.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
in my skye
only a year ago, the memory lasts, though i ll never know
a fault that ill always regret.
though noone believed, i know ill never forget
haunted by the nightmares, taunted by this pain
i wonder if you wouldve been scared by the sound of thunder, or liked the smell of rain
youre not here now, in my heart youll remain
crying to him and holding his hand, i felt like i was dying
nothing could ever replace what was taken from me
you shine through dawn light, although it hurts to see
rose petals and d&cs...the only thing in this world thats ever killed a part of me
always will i smell you through the rain
days years and moths will go by, yet i still feel the pain
let you rest tonight, but ill see you in the stars
somewhere youre there, not in this world, but i know youre not too far
always youll be here somewhere with me, but its time to say goodbye
ill look for you someday...youll always be in my skye
a fault that ill always regret.
though noone believed, i know ill never forget
haunted by the nightmares, taunted by this pain
i wonder if you wouldve been scared by the sound of thunder, or liked the smell of rain
youre not here now, in my heart youll remain
crying to him and holding his hand, i felt like i was dying
nothing could ever replace what was taken from me
you shine through dawn light, although it hurts to see
rose petals and d&cs...the only thing in this world thats ever killed a part of me
always will i smell you through the rain
days years and moths will go by, yet i still feel the pain
let you rest tonight, but ill see you in the stars
somewhere youre there, not in this world, but i know youre not too far
always youll be here somewhere with me, but its time to say goodbye
ill look for you someday...youll always be in my skye
lol bored?
craziest lady in this fraction, with a few lyrics i cause a mad reaction
with you on the edge of your seat watchin this maniac in action
less than any IQ of a braniac, this is an attack of fatal attraction
swarming in your head, diagnosed you like a bad contamination
this is an examination caused by this creation,
questioned by this infection its a damn interrogation
get all your guns cuz this is a swan invasion
i feel like a damn monster though i dont have green eyes and neck bolts
still rock this bitch, still shocking you like million watt volts
oh shit check ure heart rate and take ure pulse
with you on the edge of your seat watchin this maniac in action
less than any IQ of a braniac, this is an attack of fatal attraction
swarming in your head, diagnosed you like a bad contamination
this is an examination caused by this creation,
questioned by this infection its a damn interrogation
get all your guns cuz this is a swan invasion
i feel like a damn monster though i dont have green eyes and neck bolts
still rock this bitch, still shocking you like million watt volts
oh shit check ure heart rate and take ure pulse
breaking mirrors 2007
twisting yourself and kicking your self in the teeth
burried by pain, you remind your self why you stand hunched over your knees
open your eyes try to find the light you cant see
running now, from the faith you cant seem to belive
hypnoized by this life, this pain and this fear
standing on strings from a glass of water and this person infront of the mirror
eaten away from the acid that burns inside
scarped knuckles this emptyness you hide
tonight is the night that ive dreamt about often
open my eyes and pick myself out of this coffin
im ready to stop what ive bargained to get
russian roulette with my life that im trying to forget
breaking my mirrors im done playing with this life
dear ana of 2007 its time to say goodbye.
burried by pain, you remind your self why you stand hunched over your knees
open your eyes try to find the light you cant see
running now, from the faith you cant seem to belive
hypnoized by this life, this pain and this fear
standing on strings from a glass of water and this person infront of the mirror
eaten away from the acid that burns inside
scarped knuckles this emptyness you hide
tonight is the night that ive dreamt about often
open my eyes and pick myself out of this coffin
im ready to stop what ive bargained to get
russian roulette with my life that im trying to forget
breaking my mirrors im done playing with this life
dear ana of 2007 its time to say goodbye.
same pace
you say you feel nothing, not even the pain inside
you say that you arent trying to run, but i know that you hide
alone and lonely, captured by the time that you face
a minute an hour its all just a race
the world is moving by too quick, though you remain at the same pace
im somehow hurt from the hollowness you leave in a trace
swallowed by the same darkness in your life, that seems impossible to erase
a life that turned into depression, an obsession with whats left
terrfied of the outcome of life or death
tuggging you by the hand im trying to save your life
minutes could be left, while im worried this could be your last night
your words and these memories, why didnt i see?
blinded by my own suffering, how could this be?
i cant let this worry me, i cant let you down i have to be brave
i will not let the next time i see you be standing over a grave...but im not so sure if its you or me i have to save
you say that you arent trying to run, but i know that you hide
alone and lonely, captured by the time that you face
a minute an hour its all just a race
the world is moving by too quick, though you remain at the same pace
im somehow hurt from the hollowness you leave in a trace
swallowed by the same darkness in your life, that seems impossible to erase
a life that turned into depression, an obsession with whats left
terrfied of the outcome of life or death
tuggging you by the hand im trying to save your life
minutes could be left, while im worried this could be your last night
your words and these memories, why didnt i see?
blinded by my own suffering, how could this be?
i cant let this worry me, i cant let you down i have to be brave
i will not let the next time i see you be standing over a grave...but im not so sure if its you or me i have to save
155
nothing can stop me from what i want permanently. i will get want i want, no matter what it takes. even if it is in time, i will eventually reach my goals, and turn all of my dreams and fantasies into reality. based on my ambitions, my thoughts, and my determination, i know that the fantasies are not just dreams. they are dreams that will sooner or later become another piece of my puzzle in life. there has been times when i have messed up. times that have broken me, but shaped me into who i am today. we all have dark patches, dark holes, dark times where we have had to drag ourselves out of the coffin in which we lost ourselves. when the sun was shining, but we refused to acknowledge the beauty of the rays, when we failed to let the heat warm us, and only felt the bitterness of the cold. for me, i had become a phoenix of my past.(phoenix is a symbol of immortality. After living for centuries, it dies, and rises from its own ashes.)
after the sun had set, another one rose. the rain had washed away the dirt from the soil in the ground; along with my doubts, complications, and hurt. broken mirrors were replaced, and i soon began to see who i really was. a new book opened up, a new life. a new chapter began, and today im living my story. this is my moment. right now.
dear [_]
Dear You.
you dont seem to care about how i seem to have way too many issues in my life.
all you have to do in favor for me is to keep smiling that cute ass smile, and keep finding all the things that are so great about me that i cant see. then, things will work out beautifully between the two of us.
i hope that one day we will lay in bed together, and you will let me become everything you've ever wanted someone to be.
but i cant change like that, but i am hoping that you will find a huge place into my life.
thats enough change for me.
when i seem to find some time in my "busy" schedule i call a life, i sit down with a pen and a paper and begin to write to you. I find comfort in the way i can wind down by the way that you write your words and express your thoughts.
still, i live in hope.
yeah, so i cant help those thoughts that really are nothing but a sharp and dangerous fantasy, at least, when it comes to you.
But, without much reason, i have hope that you will take me somewhere i have never been and save me from everything that i have let destroy me.
im not broken anymore, but you, dear, you have really helped shape this part of me.
I dont want to fall apart anymore, and thats where you come in.
And thats also where all the hope that i have put into this.
but as you know, time is passing.
and im SO sick of wasting it.
Time passes very quickly now for me, which is a good thing.
it used to bring me pain, with every tick of the second hand.
but now that you're here, id like to spend time wisely.
make sense?
but in reality i spend more time thinking about you and where you are in my life.
Are you really even there?
I feel like you are just a hole dug deep inside of my stomache and my heart, and i can feel you course through every aspect of my being.
through and through.
tell me this.
Can you feel it too?
this is the way your presence is embeded in even the most sarcastic, beautiful, painful, and simple aspects of my life.
this is the way your hold on me has brought such a gorgeous light into my life.
and for as long as this lasts i will fall deeply in love with you until you decide that you are bored and sick of the way that i am.
and like you said with me being young.
it is true.
there are many more days that i have to live my life.
many more birthdays and weekends.
my heart will break a thousand more times before i die, and i wont turn completely idiotic anytime soon.
it really wouldnt be so bad if all these heartbreaks are with you.
-amber
you dont seem to care about how i seem to have way too many issues in my life.
all you have to do in favor for me is to keep smiling that cute ass smile, and keep finding all the things that are so great about me that i cant see. then, things will work out beautifully between the two of us.
i hope that one day we will lay in bed together, and you will let me become everything you've ever wanted someone to be.
but i cant change like that, but i am hoping that you will find a huge place into my life.
thats enough change for me.
when i seem to find some time in my "busy" schedule i call a life, i sit down with a pen and a paper and begin to write to you. I find comfort in the way i can wind down by the way that you write your words and express your thoughts.
still, i live in hope.
yeah, so i cant help those thoughts that really are nothing but a sharp and dangerous fantasy, at least, when it comes to you.
But, without much reason, i have hope that you will take me somewhere i have never been and save me from everything that i have let destroy me.
im not broken anymore, but you, dear, you have really helped shape this part of me.
I dont want to fall apart anymore, and thats where you come in.
And thats also where all the hope that i have put into this.
but as you know, time is passing.
and im SO sick of wasting it.
Time passes very quickly now for me, which is a good thing.
it used to bring me pain, with every tick of the second hand.
but now that you're here, id like to spend time wisely.
make sense?
but in reality i spend more time thinking about you and where you are in my life.
Are you really even there?
I feel like you are just a hole dug deep inside of my stomache and my heart, and i can feel you course through every aspect of my being.
through and through.
tell me this.
Can you feel it too?
this is the way your presence is embeded in even the most sarcastic, beautiful, painful, and simple aspects of my life.
this is the way your hold on me has brought such a gorgeous light into my life.
and for as long as this lasts i will fall deeply in love with you until you decide that you are bored and sick of the way that i am.
and like you said with me being young.
it is true.
there are many more days that i have to live my life.
many more birthdays and weekends.
my heart will break a thousand more times before i die, and i wont turn completely idiotic anytime soon.
it really wouldnt be so bad if all these heartbreaks are with you.
-amber
Thursday, March 18, 2010
my hoodie
Dear You,
love is the simplest, but most overused word. I LOVE YOU, i love this song, i love this movie! the word doesnt even mean that much anymore, not to most people anyways. some people just throw it around like its an old hoodie, wearing it because its comfortable, safe, and secure, but never really understanding why we have it. we lend it out, forget about it, and years later think "hey i really did like that sweater"
then we see the world fall apart, from the safety of out own living rooms, news, and on the internet and sometimes we feel so helpless and alone were not sure what to do. We cry for inhumanity, scream for the injustice, and wonder why the world is this way. WE think that we can change the world, change people, we know we want to help those who need it the most...then we remember that old hoodie that we threw out years ago.
we want it back, we fight and scramble for it. we go out and buy other ones, try them on, but none seems to fit the way that one hoodie did. we have lost it, weve lost love. we are unnerved for a bit, we sit alone and beat ourselves up over letting it go. then we just shrug it off, we say oh ill do it later, or noone will erally care. and it seems as if nobody does.
is my generation going to save the world? we try, a small group of us. but our shirts are faded among the bright ciolors of greed and the everyday and the wanting. we are pushed into the background. we try to push our way through the crowds, and we truely wonder where the love has gone.
i dont want my love to fade;although my hoodie is tattered and worn, i wear it daily. i am honest and i try to be open to the people that matter the most to me. and when i say that simple, dead, four letter word, i mean it. i know i have made mistakes, and with it in the past and i almost threw that hoodie away, i carry it carefully now. its close to my heart, where it is meant to be. i do lend it out everyone once in a great while-i let those who need it try it on and feel the safety that i feel. i leave them the pieces when i go, but my hoodie never seems to tear. it stays just as simple as it ever was. when the time comes, i will stand alone in this world, and stare into the eyes of those with the hoodies of greed, and want and lust, and i will know that even though my hoodie is not the most beautiful one in the crowd, its among the best.
love to all,
amber swainn
Put on your best dress baby
And darlin', fix your hair up right
Cause there's a party, honey
down beneath the neon lights
All day you've been working that hard line
Now tonight you're gonna have a good time
I work five days a week girl
Loading crates down on the dock
I take my hard earned money
And meet my girl down on the block
And Monday when the foreman calls time
I've already got Friday on my mind
When that whistle blows
Girl, I'm down the street
I'm home, I'm out of my work clothes
When I'm out in the street
I walk the way I wanna walk
When I'm out in the street
I talk the way I wanna talk
When I'm out in the street
When I'm out in the street
When I'm out in the street, girl
Well, I never feel alone
When I'm out in the street, girl
In the crowd I feel at home
The black and whites they cruise by
And they watch us from the corner of their eye
But there ain't no doubt girl, down here
We ain't gonna take what they're handing out
When I'm out in the street
I walk the way I wanna walk
When I'm out in the street
I talk the way I wanna talk
Baby, out in the street I don't feel sad or blue
Baby, out in the street I'll be waiting for you
When the whistle blows
Girl, I'm down the street
I'm home, I'm out of my work clothes
When I'm out in the street
I walk the way I wanna walk
When I'm out in the street
I talk the way I wanna talk
When I'm out in the street
Pretty girls, they're all passing by
When I'm out in the street
From the corner, we give them the eye
Baby, out in the street I just feel all right
Meet me out in the street, little girl, tonight
Meet me out in the street
Meet me out in the street
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
earth wind && fire
All around me i see the beauty of this world. Yet at the same time, i am in no way obligated to forget the troubles that not only i as a person feel, but the worlds problems as well. We all have set backs and fears, and i think that even though i have my own, there is one thing that i can never quite hate, never really....despise. That is the beauty that is all around us every single day. elements of the earth equalize the beauty of the gravel we walk on, and balance the air out quite naturally. Copper, Air, corbon dioxide, they are all apart of what combines our world, and keeps it neutral. At times when i am down, i like to take a look outside, feel the rain fall down on my face, hear it around me, and down my window. The orange, the blue, the dark gray in the sky...its almost as if the sky itself is a reason to have colors to your personality. Everywhere you look there is beauty, there is hope. And a reason to feel whole. I'd like to think that maybe once in my lifetime, i too will become an inspiration...a "hope" to this earth.
i know because I've felt it, and I do happen to feel it as often as humanely possible when the moment comes around. You know that feeling, because at least once we have all felt it. The blazing heat of the sun beating down on your back, the heat that seeps through your shirt and lights fire to your skin. Then the wind. It seems to go right through you, lifting not only your hair, but your spirit.
Seldomly, i wish that i could set my troubles, worries, and insecurities away. Or at least, when at the times that they get hot, feel that wind that comes along, and be somewhat...comfortable with the fact that at times life IS indeed, harder.
Years go by, days, months, weeks, and seconds. Life offers, and throws at you changes that none of us are in control to ignore. Times and moments, and memories have changed, faded, and standed still in time. People come, and people go. People change, situations change. You can't fight it at times, and sometimes, you can. im like ice, i can melt, and i can freeze. i can metamorphosis, yet at times i stay frozen into my personality. He is my fire, the kind that goes through your viens like adrenaline, the kind that gives you your own unique fuel. He is the fire that burns, the kind that can hurt and can scald you...the one that leaves scars on your skin forever. mostly, i would like to say that he is my fire because he has never really changed. he has at times, faded into a spark, or grown into something outragious. But he has always remained. Fire and Ice aren't compatible, they don't move eachother, they don't equal eachother out; not in the laws of physics. Yet i still feel that i am moved quite easily by the burn, by the warmth. yet even though i have felt that time and time again, i am left with the scars. and this is what hurts the most
she stands silently by the dock, clenching the sleeves of her jacket wishing for the impossible.
hollow, empty, just another person that exists in this lonesome world.
clouds above the shore fade into the distance, grow darker with time. somedays she feels like the clouds in the sky. glowing into the crowd, making the stars around the horizon come to life; or in depth..turn black and burn out with the rest.
holding close to the ones that mean most, she swollows the regrets she longs to hold back.
yet, she feels those people slip away, out of her reach, these people she can't keep.
closing the blinds, shutting out the light, breathing in the shimmer of night...she resists.
reaching out to catch, to touch, to feel this creature, maybe shell think twice.
when something so beautiful isn't yours to feel, you remind yourself of the things in life that you have that are real.
a touch of passion, this need that youve strived for isn't going to happen.
green fields of hope, kisses of sorrow, sweet creature, just begging for one more tomorrow.
unclench you worries that you wear on your sleeve, brown eyes will be back before you leave.
when all the hopes that you have are gone, these worries will become the chords of a tune in your song.
dont erase, wash visions of green eyes from your face.
i leave you, just so you can take my place.
hollow, empty, just another person that exists in this lonesome world.
clouds above the shore fade into the distance, grow darker with time. somedays she feels like the clouds in the sky. glowing into the crowd, making the stars around the horizon come to life; or in depth..turn black and burn out with the rest.
holding close to the ones that mean most, she swollows the regrets she longs to hold back.
yet, she feels those people slip away, out of her reach, these people she can't keep.
closing the blinds, shutting out the light, breathing in the shimmer of night...she resists.
reaching out to catch, to touch, to feel this creature, maybe shell think twice.
when something so beautiful isn't yours to feel, you remind yourself of the things in life that you have that are real.
a touch of passion, this need that youve strived for isn't going to happen.
green fields of hope, kisses of sorrow, sweet creature, just begging for one more tomorrow.
unclench you worries that you wear on your sleeve, brown eyes will be back before you leave.
when all the hopes that you have are gone, these worries will become the chords of a tune in your song.
dont erase, wash visions of green eyes from your face.
i leave you, just so you can take my place.
6-15-09
sitting here thinkin about the decisions im makin, the shit that were fakin.. dont know if things are gonna end up alrite.. or if things are gonna end up like the other night... i hope you belive in the things you do cuz in the end its all what makes you...without me ure real and on ure own.. but without you i jus sit there all alone... this is life and im not afraid of it, but when ur around u make me try to love it... so far we've been through alot.. but u kno and i kno that this is wut we got.. to live for, to belive in.. and really dont need a reason to explain or if the feelings retain...i know when it comes to you you manage to destroy my pain... i dont know why i felt i had to write this.. but it rhymes and i kinda like it.. me and u , u and me... when we are together i can really see the light in your brown eyes and the smile on your face takes my breath away and puts me in a place where pain and hate and anger is gone but mabey im wrong... but i know if i loose u now then things'll never be the same...&& without you ill just be alone with only my life to own...and no matter the weather or the day or night, i kno things wil be alrite when we lie together at night...with a friendship that makes you feel shit, no fake shit, but if it wasnt for you i wouldnt be shit...this love that is real, what kind of love do i feel where i cant seem to get it, you wont seem to admit it, but those tears that you cryed i cant just forget it... so only to wonder if it'll will last or if this will all be another chapter in the depths of our past...my addiction, another addition, your words are just a fucked up perscription to my decisions...and maybe youre just a bad habit, but the minute i stop...im right back at it...
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